Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
