he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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