Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
