so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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