he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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