i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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