the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
