He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Couch. On fire.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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