We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
