There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
