That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
