Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
