I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
