its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize