God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
