You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
