why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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