does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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