Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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