dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
