my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
