just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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