Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
