Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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