I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
