So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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