so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
