i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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