Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
