I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
