If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
