I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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