I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
