Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
