I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
