I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
