I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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