Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
