his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
