Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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