it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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