RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
