What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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