weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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