just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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