Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
