I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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