Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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