Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
