Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize