Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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