the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
