I just pynch a tree in the face
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
