You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
