I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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