i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
