girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize