i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
two words: eviction party
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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