Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
