I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
