so explain again why im purple
no
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize