I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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