Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
