FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
