We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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