So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
