i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
