atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
