Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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