im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
