Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
