she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
